Yeah, I wanted to tell you;
but there just wasn’t time to listen
And the snowlined streets
called you away from my door
And I just couldn’t scream out
over your brilliant white plans and schemes
that I needed you to hear me.
Besides, what was I going to say?
That life was becoming too much with me?
That people were becoming
both too dull and demanding
That drugs no longer filtered the pain &
all my dreams had turned to nightmares?
You had no need to hear it.
And what was the point of burdening you
with my melancholy love
(tho my spirit keeps promising me that love
and only love can kill the melancholia
and reawaken me to joy.)
So what could I say?
That winter has frozen my tears inside my mind and
only thoughts of death still bring me solace
and the night seems too cruel and empty,
but the too brite days are worse and I love you?
You are right not to listen.
I am right to disappear into the darkness —
leaving to make my peace alone in a cold
and lifeless cell —
And the tears inside my skull
speak of belief that has died
and wonder overcome by a desperate apathy
and that place deep within my heart that love
alone can reach — release
That secret life-affirming catalyst which remains
solidly locked away —
I cannot ask you for the key.